Narutastic
by Samthor Bringer of HURT
Summary: I wrote it, you know what to expect. Profanity, lewd sexual jokes, bad spelling, caps lock abuse.
1. Chapter 1

AS WITH ANY SAMWISE FANFICTION WE JOIN OUR CHARACTERS MID BATTLE

NINJA GIRLBOY: I'M A BOY BUT THAT WON'T STOP FANBOYS FROM MASTURBATING ABOUT ME ENDLESSLY

ALSO I HAVE THE MOST RETARDED ATTACK EVER

NARUTO: HOLY FUCK, ICEMIRRORS. THIS IS GOING TO TAKE AN ENTIRE SEASON TO BEAT

SASUKE: THESE ICE MIRRORS, ARE THESE NEEDLES MADE OF ICE? YES- WAIT NO NOT WATER

GIRLBOY: ZWEE ZWEE ZWEE ZWEE NEEDLES IN YOUR EYE ZWEE

NARUTO: HOLY CRAP, I AM GETTING MY ASS KICKED, BETTER DO THE SAME THING OVER AND OVER AGAIN

SAKURA: GOOD THING BEING THE BEST NATURAL CHAKRA USER IN THE GROUP ENABLES ME TO STAND IN THE SIDELINES AND NEVER LIFT A FUCKING FINGER! THOSE MIRRORS ARE MADE OF ICE, GOOD THING I COULDN'T GO OVER THERE AND, LIKE, PUNCH ONE! ICE IS PRETTY EASY TO BREAK IMHO I JUST NEED SALT!

SASUKE: I SEE NARUTO'S CLONES ARE PICKING UP DROPLETS OF WATER? SEEING AS THIS GUY IS MAKING MIRRORS OF ICE OUT OF THIN AIR, IT MAKES SENSE THAT HE HAS SOME SORT OF COMMAND OVER ICE? GOOD THING THIS IS JAPAN AND THEREFORE NOTHING IS EVER AS IT SEEMS

ZABUZA: LET'S STAND HERE AND TALK ABOUT SHIT, K?

KAKASHI: OK, BUT JUST FOR SHITS LET'S MAKE SURE THE VIEWERS ARE DRIVEN SICK OF OUR SHIT, BECAUSE GODDAMN IT'S SO AWESOME WHEN OTHERWISE FINE AIRTIME THAT COULD BE DEVOTED TO PUNCHING IS DEVOTED TO TALKING. THAT'S WHAT THE VIEWERS WANT.

HAKU: MY GENDER AMBIGUITY MAKES ME A COMPELLING CHARACTER? OR AM I JUST VAGUELY GAY:NEEDLES:

SASUKE: THESE NEEDLES... MADE OF WATER? NO

HAKU: OH HO HO YOU THINK YOU HAVE LEARNED MY POW-

SASUKE: MADE OF PISS, YES, THAT'S IT

HAKU: ...

NARUTO: ...

ZABUZA: ...

SAKURA: wait what happened? I was too busy being useless to pat atten-OW THAT GIANT SWORD REALLY HURTS

END OF EPISODE

SASUKE: YOU KNOW WHAT? FUCK THIS SHIT! I CAN CREATE FIREBALLS GOD FUCKING DAMMIT MOTHER SHIT ASS CUNT WHY DO I JUST NOT MELT THE ICE? BECAUSE I AM RETARDED

KAKASHI: I'M GOING TO STAND HERE, ON A BRIDGE, IN A FOG BANK, BECAUSE OUT OF ALL THE THINGS I COULD DO TO AVOID GETTING MY ASS KICKED, THIS IS ONE OF THEM. ABSOLUTELY.

ZABUZA: I HAVE AN AWESOME WEAPON, SO OF COURSE I'M ONLY GOING TO USE IT ON **SPOILERS A FAT OLD MAN. **

**SAMWISE: JESUS SHIT SCRYED IS LESS RETARDED THAN THIS, IS IT POSSIBLE JAPAN HAS FORGOT TO MAKE AWESOME ACTION SEQUENCES? I AM SICK OF THE TALKING GET TO THE PUNCHING**

RUMIKO TAKAHASHI: GENDER-BENDING MARTIAL ARTISTS WOULD HAVE MADE IT- OH WAIT HI HAKU NEVERMIND

HAKU: I CRY TEARS OF PAIN I AM SO EMO IT HURTS

SAMWISE: WHY THE FUCK DO YOU LOOK LIKE A GIRL? THE SAME AKWARD HOMOSEXUAL OVERTONES COULD BE ACCOMPLISHED WITHOUT, YOU KNOW, BEING RETARDED

HAKU: AHAHAHAHAHA MY ICE MIRROR TECHNIQUE IS INVINCIBLE!

SAMWISE: YEAH. EXCEPT FOR FIRE, BRICKS, HEAT, SUNLIGHT, AND SHIT LIKE THAT. WHICH IS WHY IT MAKES PERFECT SENSE TO USE IT IN THE MIDDLE OF THE DAY, ON A BRIDGE CRAFTED OF BRICKS, AGAINST A PERSON CAPABLE OF CREATING FIRE.

HAKU: ... YEAH I GUESS I NEVER THOUGHT OF THAT

COMMONER, LEVEL 1: I AM GOING TO THROW A BRICK AT HAKU'S RETARDED MIRRORS

HAKU: CRITICAL HIT xx MY MIRRORS, THEY ARE, LE BROKEN. AND MELTING.


	2. Chapter 2

NARUTO: NOW THAT WE'RE FINALLY JUNIN CAN WE HAVE SOME NOT RETARDED ADVENTURES PLZ?

SAURA: HOLY CRAP INTERNAL MONOLOGUE ABOUT SASUKE.

SASUKE: IS THIS EMPATHY I AM FEELING FOR NARUTO?

NARUTO: I HAVE A FEELING FOR SASUKE TOO.

SASUKE: **MANLY KISS**

NARUTO: AND THAT FEELING IS

FANGIRLS: OH GOD YES SLATHER SLATHER FOAM KISS HIM FOAM

NARUTO: DIARRHEA

FANGIRLS: -- oh naruto chan so kawaii

CHOUJI: HEY I AM THE REQUISITE FAT DUDE AS YOU CAN TELL BY MY EATING ALL THE GODDAMN TIME ALSO I WEAR PANTIES ON MY HEAD? FOR SOME REASON?

SAKURA: . . WHY YES THOSE DO APPEAR TO BE PANTIES I WONDER HOW THEY GOT THERE DID YOU HAVE SECKS? WITH A GIRL?

EVERYONE WHO HAS EVER SEEN THE SHOW: NOT LIKELY

CHOUJI: -- it is true. THE LADIES DO NOT APPRECIATE MY LARD-FU!

SAKURA: WOW WHAT A SHOCK. I AM TOTALLY surprised AND NOT BEING SARCASTIC IN THE LAST BIT, REALLY, I THOUGHT I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO FIND YOU

REPULSIVE!

CHOUJI: **farts**

NARUTO: YOU KNOW FOR A SHOW BEING ABOUT ME THERE SURE ARE A LOT OF OTHER PEOPLE WHO, YOU KNOW, SUCK.

KAKASHI: BUT NOT ME. I AM QUITE POSSIBLY THE MOST BADASS CHARACTER EVER.

COSPLAYERS: WE 3 U KAKASHISENSEI DESU XD

KAKASHI: shamed

ZABUZA: I STILL HAVE A RETARDED NAME RITE GAISE? GAISE?

GAISE: WHO DA FUK

GAARA: I AM A TOTALLY BADASS CHARACTER IN THE VEIN OF ANYTHING AKIRA TORIYAMA

NARUTO: YEAH TOO BAD YOU INHERITED HIS MIDAS TOUCH

MEANING ANYTHING YOU TOUCH TURNS TO SHIT

GAARA: HAAAAAAARHGHGHAGJEJEHEG THIS FILLS ME WITH INTENSE RAGE FEAR MY SAND-FU

NARUTO: OH FUCK! SAND! BETTER NOT GET THAT IN MY EYES!

GAARA: HM!

NARUTO: AH!

GAARA: YA!

NARUTO: gAH!

GAARA: YOUR MASTERY OF ONOMOTOPOEIA IS IMPRESSIVE, BUT CAN IT WITHSTAND MY SAND DEMON SHIT OR SOME RETARDED SHIT LIKE THAT SHIT SHIT?

NARUTO: NO I'M PRETTY MUCH BONED dead

GAARA: HAH!

SAKURA: HAY LOOK SAND LETS GO TO THE BEACH

GAARA: SHIT, A GIRL. HER UMBRELLA AND CHAIR FU IS SUPERIOR TO MINE! dies

SAKURA: SWEET NOW MAYBE SASUKE WILL PAY ATTENTION TO ME?

SASUKE: NOPE TOO BUSY ANGSTING.

SAKURA:( ur mean

SASUKE: HEY SAKURA?

SAKURA: YES YOU CAN HAVE SEX WITH ME

SASUKE: CAN I BORROW A CUP OF SAD? I AM RUNNING SHORT

SAKURA: OK THAT JOKE IS DEAD

SASUKE: MUCH LIKE MY PUPPY. -- MY LIFE IS A TORRENT OF DEPRESSING THINGS. MY RETARDED KNIFE-DAGGER LEAVES TEARS OF BLOOD IN ITS TARGETS

SAKURA: IT'S IT'S IT'S IT'S IT'S IT'S IT'S IT'S IT'S IT'S IT'S IT'S IT'S IT'S IT'S IT'S IT'S IT'S IT'S IT'S IT'S IT'S IT'S IT'S IT'S IT'S IT'S IT'S IT'S IT'S IT'S IT'S IT'S

SASUKE: HAH YOUR GRAMMAR FU IS FLAWED IT'S IMPLIES OWNERSHIP ITS IMPLIES SUBJECT GB2JUNINSCHOOL

SAKURA:(


End file.
